You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize