In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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