I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
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