I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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