Got a toothbrush?
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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