i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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