He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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