Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
