I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
