i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
