So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Randomize
