brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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