I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
