so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
