Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
