Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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