no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
