You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
