guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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