I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I need to calm my uterus...
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
