I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
