FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
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