I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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