You're so nebulous sometimes
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
