Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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