I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
