im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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