Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
