Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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