everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
