I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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