Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
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