I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
