I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
