You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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