it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
