dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
