I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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