My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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