he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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