Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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