The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
