it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
