What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
