it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
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when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
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She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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