There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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