Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
