drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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