fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
