Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
