So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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