Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
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I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
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It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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