just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
