i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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