brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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