areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
