Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize