hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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