i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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