I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
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