you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
