my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
