You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
