hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
