my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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