I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
