talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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