Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize