I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
