you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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